


fate

by Milu_i



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek Beyond - Fandom, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: Beyond - Fandom, Star Trek: Mirror Universe
Genre: Crew as Family, Drama, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Team as Family, imagine the scenes, mini kirk, mini vulcan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7555291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milu_i/pseuds/Milu_i
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>[Star Trek: Beyond]</b><br/>A collection of One-Shots around the new movie. Missing, extended or changed scenes, even including characters like Pike or Carol in a chapter or two.<br/><br/><b>[CH 4: pure]</b> On Jim's birthday the crew has a very special gift for him. About a love that promised to be so much more in another lifetime and a certain Dr. Carol Marcus.<br/><br/><b>[CH 5: control]</b> He always stays in control. Whether his best friend is lying on the operation table or the world is going down, he stays in control. Until everything seems lost, Spock is dying and Bones stops.<br/><br/><b>[CH 6: ignite]</b> As if getting a child isn't hard enough for James Kirk, Carol has to be due in the middle of 'Beyond'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. lost

**Author's Note:**

> **Music tip:**  
>  **Rihanna - Sledgehammer**  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dzp-HlqQbgY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[CH 1: lost]** The crew is able to hear Krall and Jim's talk about his plan to leave the ship, so things go a little - but not very much - different for the struggling Captain.

* * *

* * *

He knows his communicator is still on.  
They can hear every word.

“At least I know who I am, _Captain_.”  
His breathing stops for a second, his enemy _knows_ , his tone is giving it away, but _how_ when he has not even told Bones about it?!  
It’s just a second he wastes a thought about it, but Krall has not been a hero up until now for nothing. He is a trained soldier above all else, so he jumps forward and smashes Jim’s head against the console behind him so hard that he nearly kisses the ground. More out of instinct than anything else really he kicks forwards and is able to get Krall off of him for several seconds, so he can evade the next punch and take a deep, exhausted breath.

“I read your logbooks. Do they know that you crave another life? Do they know that you’re sick and tired of them, _Captain_?”

His words are enough to kick the exhaustion aside and with a roar he rushes towards Krall – he refuses to call him by the name Starfleet still admires– and manages to get the upper hand in the fight. He is ridiculously close to the weapon, when a single words rips him forcefully out of the tight knot of concentration he managed to bury himself under.

_“What?”_  
It’s not Spock, whom he wanted to make Captain.  
It’s not Bones, who would try heaven and hell to stop him.

It’s Chekov and even though his voice is barely audible over the rushing noise in his ears, Jim is still able to make out the utter disappointment and exasperation. It hurts more than he thought it would, but this is _family_ , a fact he heavily disregarded before when he sent in his application.

Maybe it’s not always easy, maybe it sometimes is confusing and leading him in the wrong direction, he muses, while Krall pushes him through the glass wall, but it’ll always be worth it. As it had been, when he had given his life in order to save his crew from certain death tumbling towards earth.

“He’s wrong,” Jim screams into the comm. with absolute certainty and he knows it’s enough to reassure them, his crew, his _family_ , and then he lets himself being taken by the gravity and doesn’t even feel fear, as he rushes through the air with no kind of protection.  
His angle is perfect and when he flies back towards the glass room Krall is climbing into, he braces his head with his arms as best as possible, before he smashes through the wall with an ear-deafening noise and grabs Krall tightly, as the force carries them back out into the open together. This time the gravity is not able to catch them and together with the weapon grabbed tightly in Krall’s hands they tumble towards the ground in neck-breaking speed.

Jim wants to scream at his enemy and face him with his obvious defeat, but the wind and noise are too loud. _“Give us a second Jim, we’ll catch you.”_ He has no fucking clue where exactly Bones managed to learn to fly those things, but the mere thought of the stubborn doctor saving him like _that_ pulls a high laugh out of his raw throat.  
Before he is able to bring himself into a better position and confirm the crazy idea though, something pulls at his leg. Krall. In his free hand he holds the activated weapon, while a black mass swarms around it furiously.

“Stop Bones, don’t!”  
The urgent tone in his voice – the one he uses as a Captain – is unmistakable and in the last second the doctor veers off and misses them by a hair’s breadth. Krall tries to shove the weapon towards him and the black smoke already licks at his boot, when Jim gets one of those short-circuited and utterly stupid ideas that Bones hates with a passion.

“Oh no asshole, you’re going down with me!”  
There are furious protests in his ear, all talking at once, but the damage is already done. At one go he turns the tables, pulls Krall towards his falling body and into a deadly embrace with the activated weapon captured between their trembling bodies.

He shoves and pushes and trashes, but Krall is not able to get him off of him. He might survive the fall with his enhances body, but even he won’t outlive the terror he himself unleashed. So Jim clings onto him, throws a last look up to the ground rushing towards them in rapid speed, before he closes his eyes.

He is not lost. Not anymore.  
He is the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise and proudly serves at the side of his family.  
Until the end.

Which doesn’t come as quickly as expected. A harsh jolt goes through his body, as something smashes into Krall full force. His body absorbs some of the impact, so Jim isn’t killed asap, as their intertwined bodies separate and he flies over the top of the enemies’ ship, until a hand grabs him tightly and refuses to let him go. It’s Spock.

And while his first Commander pulls him inside into safety, the broken body of Krall tumbles towards the ground. Even before he hits it, his body disappears together with the black smoke and all that remains is the harmless looking weapon, which destroys whole worlds.

“What would the Enterprise be without its Captain?” Spock teases – actually _teases_ him – and then Bones tries to crash-land the thing without killing them, as fear and uncertainty finally fall off of the Captain’s shoulders.

He is not lost. Not anymore.


	2. repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[CH 2: repeat]** As the Enterprise tumbles towards Earth with no way of saving her, Jim remains on the bridge just a little bit longer and thinks of a certain Starfleet Captain, who had been in a similiar position all those years ago. Maybe it was supposed to end like this after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned to upload a OS about Uhura and Spock for a request by _LadyRedStar_ , but this morning my laptop died on me and now I hope they can fix it without everything being lost. Still crushed out this one somehow on my old pc, because I had it planned as well an want to thank you this way for all of your overwhelming support! Thanks everyone!
> 
>  **Music tip:**  
>  **Hi-Finesse – Edge of Twilight**  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4nN2GnT3AY

* * *

 

* * *

For a moment it’s like he can’t breathe.

It’s all there again, the pictures, the screams, the video feed, the reports –  
and amongst it all is his father’s face.

The cracked screen in front of him on the bridge shows an army of the enemy’s ships, conquering and devastating, and Jim is condemned to idleness. Something he never has been really good at.  
And between the cracks he can see his reflection, pale and stiff, while people around him yell and run towards the emergency pods for the bridge crew, which were made just in case that something like this happened, something none of them had ever expected (because whatever happens, the Enterprise _always_ pushes through, even without warp or tumbling towards Earth).

“Captain, everyone on the ship has been evacuated to our knowledge.”  
Sulu appears between him and his reflection, his unusual state of mind disappears in an instant and then he is the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise again and commanders his people with unbroken will.  
He shoves his other crewmembers towards the last pods, Sulu helps their guest, whom Jim can’t stand to look at right now and then it’s only them left on the bridge that is damaged beyond repair and filled with the eerie sounds of the alarm and those red lights. It’s like a stab in the heart, really.

For years now, ever since Nero disappeared into the unforgiving black hole, this has been his home. Everyone he ever really cared about (and was still amongst the living) had been here and by his side no matter how impossible the obstacles on their way have been.  
Each and every single one of them had given their best, fought, lived and supported, and somehow they had even beaten death itself at one point.

“-tain?”

Now he is going to abandon it all.  
It’s not fair. None of it.

…but then again he was going to betray them all anyway, wasn’t he?  
Why not end his career on the Enterprise like this, heroic and in one of those fights that manage to make him feel more alive than he ever had felt all those years stuck on earth?

“Jim?”  
The sudden pressure on his shoulder makes him flinch and with growing concern he registers that Sulu is still by his side and waiting for his captain to leave with him. Despite the ongoing attacks. Despite the fact that every remaining second on the ship is putting him at even more risk. Despite the fact that his husband and beautiful daughter are waiting for his return on the Starbase.  
He still stands by his captain’s side against all odds and waits patiently.

“Get into a pod,” he says over the blearing of the alarm and even though his voice is unusually soft and throaty, Sulu takes it as a command and follows it without even blinking once. When he is secured by the belts and standing in the open capsule, he throws a questioning glance at Jim, who still stands in front of his chair and regards him with a closed expression on his weary face.

“Captain, are yo-“

“I’ll be right behind you, Mr. Sulu.”  
And even though he doesn’t move an inch, the young man clearly hears the hidden promise in his friend’s voice (I’ll fix it somehow, I’m not letting you die, _never_!), so he nods, looks a last time at his place on the bridge and then presses the button. In a matter of seconds Sulu is gone and Jim is alone on the dying Enterprise.

She’s is dying under his feet and he can’t do a fucking thing about it.  
Maybe they all will survive this onslaught somehow,  
maybe Starfleet will build another Enterprise for them,  
maybe she will look exactly like this one.

But it’ll never feel the same.  
And just like that his decision – the one he wanted to talk to Spock and Bones about first before deciding once and for all – is made for him.  
When this is over and he is still being alive somehow (because Bones is right, one day his luck is going to run out), he’ll leave the Enterprise and his crew.

And for the first time thinking about it he doesn’t feel overwhelming guilt nibbling at his insides.

The ship is closing in on the atmosphere of the planet.  
It’s time to go.

A last time his fingers brush over the console of the captain’s chair.  
A last time he walks towards the large screen, turns around and throws a patient glance over the bridge.  
A last time he smiles, hesitant and sad, and allows himself to _feel_ how his body is being ripped apart by the emotional pain.

“Thank you.”

Once more he turns around to look at the planet, before abandoning his lady, and between the cracks of the screen a face smiles back at him. For a moment his father’s eyes stare at Jim, proud and calm in the face of certain death.  
Maybe things are similar, maybe he _is_ feeling the same way, but it’s still different.

No sacrifice. No losing hope. No giving up.  
Because his crew still needs him.

One last time.


	3. turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[CH 3: turn]** Uhura is in the hands of Krall. Captured by pure evil she reminisces about her decision regarding a certain Vulcan and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't so wrong. Not that she would tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Music tip:**  
>  **Martin Garrix & Bebe Rexha – In The Name Of Love**  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ugq6sahpcAE

* * *

 

* * *

It’s pure chaos and at first Uhura doesn’t realize what’s going on.  
There’s still the panic-stricken face of her friend in her mind, seconds before she was killed by whatever hell Krall had put together. Then there are suddenly noises, screams, Krall seems to be more agitated than before and quick-witted she tries to use the moment of him talking to one of his subordinates to make an escape.

At least that’s the plan, until she feels a searing pain in her back and falls to the ground with a loud scream. Her skin burns and for a second she fears her uniform is on fire, until Krall pulls her up effortlessly and she sees the weapon in his hand that looks too much like one of their own phasers.

“Not so fast, I still have use for you.”  
He sneers at her and his pitch-black eyes bore through her. It takes a lot of effort to not look away, but that wouldn’t be her, she’s strong-minded, not intimidated and still an officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise ( _which is destroyed, broken in front of her eyes, her **home**_ ).  
Nonetheless it’s incredibly hard to hold the tears back –  
as much as she wants to believe that everything will turn out right, she was born with a healthy portion skepticism and can’t help thinking about how the hell they are supposed to get out of here. Sulu and her were already captured in their helpless try to contact the starbase, the next time will not end well for them. Especially with Krall’s new-found weapon that seems to be impossible to fight against.

…Spock would know what to do.

_‘Stupid, so very, very stupid,’_ she scolds herself and this time a lonely tear escapes her eye, while Krall pulls her further and further regardless of her injury.  
He is still alive ( _pleasepleaseplease_ ), he has to be, he is the Commander after all, unbeatable, a force to reckon with! ( _but it doesn’t mean anything, does it? Even the **Captain** died, actually **died** for them)_

…but why isn’t he here then?  
Days passed, crewmembers died and the wrack of the Enterprise has been empty, as far as they were able to find out by listening in on their guards. By now he should have met with the Captain and together they for sure would have come up with a crazy and suicidal plan to free them and save the day –

“What is going on?!”  
Krall’s sharp voice pulls her out of her reverie and back into pain-filled reality. They are standing in a doorway from which they are able to overlook the camp and the countless amount of motorbikes and… Kirks? As in… more than one _(oh god the universe can’t deal with multiple hims, they are going to implode in a second for sure!)_.

It has to be the wound, she muses and takes a controlled, deep breath to calm her racing heart down. Is it infected, does his weapon do more damage than anticipated, is she hallucinating, poisoned?  
Because even though her Captain has been able to manage the impossible multiple times in the past ( _including coming back from the dead_ ), he hasn’t managed to clone himself yet. Probably. Hopefully.

But apparently Krall is seeing it as well - and why is she even surprised at this point? It’s _Kirk_ for God’s sake! -, because a moment later he yells at his guards to “Shoot this nuisance down, I don’t have time for this!”.  
It’s her time to shine, with a scream she shoves him away from her and down the small path, which leads to the center of the camp. Her stupid second attempt to escape seems to surprise him, he is unprepared and struggles for a moment to find his balance. With wide eyes she turns around and runs through the back entrance that should lead her to her captured comrades.

Her Captain is here to save them.  
She should have never doubted him.

…and Spock?  
Is he save as well? Is he even here? Her racing heart jumps at the thought of him and not for the first time she regrets her rash decision. His intention was so, so, _so_ stupid and she is not regretting the slap for even a second, but –  
She always wanted to have children. With Spock? Even more so. From time to time he might be too logical and unemotional, but over time she learned to read him. And their children would be ¼ Vulcan, so…  
Maybe she should give him a second chance. And herself. Most of all **them** together.

She is forced out of her thoughts as someone rushes at her, but despite her injury she is able to take him out and grab his weapon rather quickly. He is not as overwhelmingly strong as Krall and Sulu’s close combat training has helped her a lot.  
As she continues to run forward, she makes a mental note to thank him later on, should they both be still alive at that point.

And then she hears it.  
A fight, quite close, somewhere to her right.

Abruptly she turns around, someone is on the ground, another one stands above him, one of her enemies, and raises his weapon for a final strike –  
She recognizes the dark hair, the uniform and above it all those unique, pointed ears. In a heartbeat she stands behind the spawn of hell – because what else can he be trying to kill her man? – and kills him in one swift move. He is taller than the previous one, his shoulders broader and _he was able to get Spock to his knees?!_ But he doesn’t move a muscle as he lies beside them on the dirty ground, so she moves her panic-filled eyes towards her lover and checks him for any obvious wounds.

“What are you doing here?”  
It’s a rhetorical question, really, but he answers nonetheless.

“Saving you.”  
And going by the laugh he immediately educes from her and the non-existent-but-still-there-smile on his pale lips, it’s the right decision after all. Turning her feelings around once more and opening up to what-if.

_A mini-Vulcan it is_ , she muses, as she helps him up and grabs his hand confidently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if there are scenes you would love to see from the movie!  
> A character that usually wouldn't have appeared?  
> An event that turned out way different than it should have?  
> A conversation never had?
> 
> Hook me up with some ideas! :D


	4. pure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[CH 4: pure]** On Jim's birthday the crew has a very special gift for him. About a love that promised to be so much more in another lifetime and a certain Dr. Carol Marcus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Music tip:**  
>  **Lily Kershaw – As It Seems**  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sut9u9fIkPA

* * *

  ****

* * *

“I know I said I wouldn’t tell anyone, but… figured you could use it.”  
It’s Bones way for saying _‘I care too much about you to see you not-celebrate another birthday alone, especially after what happened’_ , so Jim gifts his friend with a thankful smile. One of those kinds he hasn’t really felt on his face in a very long time. Honest. Pure.

Ever since his life in space had gotten boring.  
Ever since things had changed.  
Ever since she had left.

But it’s all different now, he tells himself, as he receives the congratulations of his family – because that’s what they are after all that had happened – with an expression on his face that comes close to being genuine for the first time in forever.  
The usual people he ever came close to actually celebrate this god-forsaken day with were Bones and Pike. And her of course.

His friends manage to get his mind off of moody topics and more often than not he can be seen laughing and chatting about the most ridiculous things. It’s how they work after all – a life and death situation brings them all closer together every so often and unable to fight this formless enemy called death, who seems to follow them like a shadow, they retreat into an atmosphere that brings them back to old times.  
Like those during their days at the Academy.

Hours have gone by and old music is playing with one song in particular that makes Jim grin like an idiot, when he notices Bones isn’t following his conversation any longer. Before he has the chance to ask the doctor what exactly is going on in his head, his friend has that dangerous sparkling in his eyes and shoves him into the direction of the Vulcan with some muttered words, before he disappears into the crowd.

“What did you do to him down there, Spock?”  
As expected his Commander – not future Captain of the Enterprise! – only merely raises an eyebrow, but for once he doesn’t mind. For once he sees the concealed smile on his friend’s lips, as Nyota joins them out of nowhere and begins to talk about something completely off topic. He tries to find Bones again in the crowd, because whatever he has planned Spock and Uhura are clearly a part of, but his stoic best friend is nowhere to be seen.

Minutes go by, slowly they are joined by further members of the bridge crew and it’s getting painfully obvious that this is a full-on mission planned by his cheeky crew. For a moment he allows himself to be proud of them for adopting his ever-annoying ways (Bones’ words, not his!), before a serious expression appears on his face in an instant and settles on Chekov. He begins to stutter and back away slowly, then he seems to give in to the pressure his evil Captain inflicts on him, but Uhura is faster than him.  
With a glare in the direction of Jim she puts her hand over Chekov’s mouth and hisses, “Not a word!”

“But he’s the Captain,” the young man mumbles barely audible from behind her hand, as he glances up at her.

“He has a soft spot for you, Pavel, he won’t do anything to you.”  
Before Jim has the chance to disagree or do something else to save his dignity (because she _is_ right, he’s like the little brother Jim never had), a strong hand clasps his shoulder and the familiar southern accent interrupts their little banter.

“Why are you threatening your crewmembers again?”

“Bones! Where have you been? And what are they trying not to tell me?!”  
For a painful moment it sounds like he is actually _whining_ , but floating on those feelings he has missed for quite some time now, he can’t bring himself to care. Not when they stare right back at him with the same happiness that fills his heart to the brim.  
Instead of teasing him more, like Jim has anticipated, his best friend and doctor grins and then reveals, “I took care of your present.”

It takes him a second to overcome his speechlessness.  
“…my present?”

“Your present,” Bones confirms and takes a sip of his glass.

“What else could you give me, when I already have everything-“ he starts and is still too baffled to even thank them appropriately, when everything just _stops_.

No words are left to say.  
No air left to breathe.

It’s _her_.

She’s standing at the far end of the round room, barely visible from their position in front of the bar. Her slim body is clad in a simple white dress and to conceal her short height she is wearing high heels. The blond hair, so much brighter than his, has grown out a bit. Soft curls are falling past her shoulders now and bounce, when she turns around to muster the room. Her blue eyes, more ocean-like and not as bright as his, haven’t found him yet.

She is still breath-taking. Beautiful. Even more so than the Enterprise.

His mouth is standing open and his expression is something between despair, relief, happiness and disbelieve, when he forces himself to look away from her for a second to stare at Bones.  
With a laugh he nods.  
“It’s really her.”

He wants to shout her name and see her eyes focusing in on him, the wonder and awe, even though she has to know that he is here. Nothing comes over his lips though.  
And then, when Bones gives him a gentle push, he is off. He neither notices the warm and soft glance his best friends is giving him, nor the content looks that are shared between the rest of the bridge crew.

It’s _her_.  
A gift he never dared to see again, a wish only thought of in the middle of the night and in a bed too cold for his aching soul.

“Carol?”  
He is standing behind her with an unsteady voice and shaking hands.  
Suddenly he is seventeen all over again.

She knows it’s him, even before she turns around to look at him in a way that steals his breath away and crushes his heart in the most loving way.  
Her eyes sparkle and are filled with unshed tears of happiness, her red lips are parted and let out her soft laugh, as if she still can’t believe he is real. She takes a step forward and looks up at him, unable to break eye contact even for a second.

It is as if they were never parted.  
As if she never left.

He wants to ask her a million question, but not one comes over his lips.  
Instead Carol takes over, stands up on her tiptoes and gives him a soft kiss onto his burning cheek, while the other one is being caressed by her cold hand. She seems to take a liking on the soft stubbles on his chin, because her fingers rest there for a moment longer, then she leans back and says in that beautiful voice of hers, which sounds more like a chime than anything else to be honest:

“Happy Birthday, Jim.”

It’s the first time he really celebrates his birthday.  
And when she hands him her request to serve on board of the Enterprise again after the months spent on a far away planet, he decides it really can’t get any better than that.


	5. control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[CH 5: control]** He always stays in control. Whether his best friend is lying on the operation table or the world is going down, he stays in control. Until everything seems lost, Spock is dying and Bones stops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Music tip:**  
>  **Jess Glynne – Take Me Home**  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcNsCfAql2I

* * *

 

* * *

He stays in control.  
Always.

It’s what he does and what keeps him going in the end.

Back at the academy he had been the one to patch up his mislead and lost friend, when he had crawled bruised and battered back into their shared dorm. There had been a lot of angry words and the typical, cynical mumble – but he had stayed in control. Always.

Then the Enterprise happened and for the first time since his ex-wife had taken his daughter away from him he had stumbled. With Pike having his brain being eaten by alien slugs and Jim falling unconscious after saving them from certain death with pure willpower, he had found himself back in his quarter hours later on the verge of losing it.  
But he had managed to save Pike from a life being bound to a wheelchair despite the limp and Jim from running headfirst into a similar fate his father had been tragically doomed to. He had stayed in control. Always.

Khan though –  
They had lost Pike. Jim had lost a father. The crew of the Enterprise had lost its Captain.  
And that’s where it all went wrong, didn’t it?

Jim died. Actually _died_.  
His face had never been so pale, his form never so still. Not even after the Narada incident had he been like this, when he had annoyed the nurses, chatted with Pike to hide the doubts and worries and driven Bones into insanity.  
He was dead, there was nothing he could do this time to save his friend and Captain, literally _nothing_ , because there was no return from the dead –

Until there was.  
Jim was alive, there had been a way to save him after all and only the little tribble on his desk had pulled Bones back from losing it completely.  
He had stayed in control. Brought Jim back to the land of the living.  
But barely. Oh so very, very barely.

Now he stands in a hut-like structure and stares off into the night on a planet that might very well kill them, while their first Commander internally bleeds to death behind him. It’s as peachy as always.  
He should have known that the peace of the last months was only temporary. There was trouble left and right, but nothing that wanted to smash them to pieces and kill each and every one of them (usually it was just Jim).

The Enterprise – their home really – had been destroyed. Completely.  
During his rather unintentional escape from the ship in an elevator and later in an alien ship he had caught a glance from their usually gleaming star in the thick blackness of the universe.  
She had been enveloped in explosions, debris and death.  
It had hurt more than he thought it would have, but then again all he could think of – beside their dead crewmates – was Jim. He loved that ship more than any of them on a level Bones couldn’t quite comprehend yet.

He had to be devastated.  
…if he was still alive out there.

His clenched fists are hidden under his arms as he fixes his position near the window-like hole and stares out into the night looking for enemies, a sign or someone familiar. Anything at this point, because Spock needs urgent help.  
He wants to go out there and look for Jim, make sure he’s alright even when he isn’t on the inside, since that’s how they work after all, and then help him get back at the bastard who caused them so much pain.

But he has to stay in control.  
It’s his job and the only thing he is sure of in this situation, so he turns around with a silent sigh and checks up on Spock’s wound he has sealed for now. It’s not looking good, not at all actually, but he will pull through for now. Jim and his first Commander are like day and night – it’s the reason why they are so dangerous together – but on one point they are more similar than anyone else. No one is more stubborn than they are, even if the odds are completely against them. Like now.

How in the world are they going to find each other?  
How many of the crew are still alive?  
How can they escape, how contact Starfleet?

His head is beginning to pound again and with an agitated groan he stands up to let Spock rest and walks back over to the window.  
It’s hard to stay in control when he has no fucking clue what to do.

Spock needs medical attention.  
Walking is not an option either, his wound is too bad.  
Leaving him alone is too irresponsible and despite their petty quarrels Bones cares too much about his stoic friend after all they’ve been through to abandon him to his fate.

What else can he do than wait for a miracle that might never happen?  
Maybe they are all dead, maybe the only survivors are spread over the planet with no way of contacting anything at all, maybe help will never come.  
His resolve shrinks and with a shuddering breath he supports himself on the cold stone wall.

And then the broken communicator is in his shaking hand again and with a furious whisper he tries to contact someone, _anyone_ out there to help them.

“Enterprise, come in.”  
Nothing.

“Can anybody hear me?”  
No one.

“Jim?!”  
Not even him. Not this time.

He closes the communicator and winds up to throw the damned thing out into the deadly nightlife, but an unexpected voice holds him back.  
“It is unwise to get rid of our only way to reach the Captain and the rest of the crew, doctor.”

“It’s broken. We’re lost,” he answers with a voice that is throaty but holds something else in it that surprises even Bones himself. He needs the cold logic he always shrugged off with a scornful glare, he needs some form of hope and Spock is the best he can get in a situation as messed up as theirs.

“Then we’ll fix it and find our way back to the crew.”

“…and what if they’re all dead by now?”  
He barely turns around and throws a cautious glance over his shoulder to the Commander, who still sits on the opposite wall and studies him with an expressionless face – as always. Bones wouldn’t say it out loud, but he is thankful for it.  
For him being steady, being himself despite the wound that has to take its toll on him no matter how almighty he seems to be.

“Many crewmembers made it out via the escape-pods and since our enemies were busy destroying the Enterprise, the chance that they captured all of them is nominal. Also you are aware that our Captain has an interesting talent of getting out of certain situations against all odds, doctor.”  
It’s his way of saying _‘It’s gonna be alright’_ , so Bones nods and then lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. You can’t beat logic. Surely. Not when there are lives on the line.

“And how exactly are we going to find or contact one of them?”

Before Spock has a chance to reply, a booming sound fills the silence of the night and flinching Bones turns around to stare out of the window with wide opened eyes.  
In the distance bright lights are filling the blackness and illuminate an unusual sight in between the trees and the dirt. Hours before, when the sun had started to set, he had made out the sad and unmoving form already, but it was too far away for them to reach, a mere dot in the distance.  
But now it’s obvious. It’s her.

“The Enterprise!”

The familiar sound is like a reassuring pat on the back, while a side of her reaches for the sky, a last gasp, a stubborn rebellion against the laws of physics for chaining her to the ground, where she never belonged.  
The sight is unsettling but breath-taking all at once.

She is thought dead, but like Jim manages to fight back against the impossible.  
And just like that, watching her illuminate the night and going down with a bang, he veers back from the cliff again and falls back into something more familiar.

“They are right there, doctor. Nothing is lost yet.”  
It’s unusual for Spock to say something so illogical –  
They don’t know who started the Enterprise, they don’t know how things will turn out in the end, they _do_ know that the odds are definitely not in their favor…  
But for once Bones simply smiles at him and nods. There is still hope, as long as they are breathing and willing to fight.

He stays in control. They will make it out alive somehow.  
As always.


	6. ignite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[CH 6: ignite]** As if getting a child isn't hard enough for James Kirk, Carol has to be due in the middle of 'Beyond'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Music tip:  
>  Miley Cyrus - Malibu**  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8j9zMok6two

The report for Starfleet, Jim muses, is going to be hell.  
He can’t remember half of what happened besides the blinding panic and the painful pounding of his heart in his chest. Sure, in the back of his mind he files it all away, every command, every order he gives his crew, while their unknown enemy is tearing the Enterprise apart, but he won’t be able to think back on the events without thinking of the constant fear that makes his hands shake and his throat dry.  
They should have left her back on the starbase.

An unreasonable part of his mind that doesn’t want to focus on what matters right now is angry – at her for not listening, at Spock for spilling out some logical reason why she will be safe and sound aboard the Enterprise, at Bones for convincing him that he will look out for her.  
And most of all at himself for knowing that he would never forgive himself, if he would miss the birth of his son. What could go wrong, right?

Everything. Like it always does – but in the past year or two Jim has become carelessly comfortable. After the disaster in form of a rogue admiral and Khan, things began to… work out. There were still tricky missions they saved from failing at the last possible second, injuries along the way and hard times that weighed on their minds more than once, but nothing came even close to what they have lived through before.  
Jim’s life isn’t quiet and easy – never was and never will be, and at some point along the way he might have crumbled and started to doubt his decision to do what he does day in day out, if it weren’t for the excitement his private life has gifted him with after Khan.

At first it purely was a give-and-take.  
She tried to live through the nightmare her father has left her with; the stares, the undeserved blame, the guilt and the picture in her mind of a crushed skull and too much blood.  
He tried to keep breathing after cheating death itself and to find out how the hell he was supposed to just go on after _that_. And after losing the only father figure he ever cherished. After losing himself somewhere along the way.  
They silently sat in each other’s company for hours. No words. Too many tears. One drink too many led to what it always does, but for once he didn’t feel as empty afterwards. The look in her eyes, pleading and broken, was enough to keep him there. _Just this once_ , he kept telling himself, and pulled her bare form against his chest again and again and again.

Jim isn’t someone who falls in love. He doesn’t do relationships, period, because he is too fucked up in his head and too scared of messing it all up. But she doesn’t go away. No matter how ugly he gets, no matter how much he tries to push her away. She stays there – as a friend, he dizzily realizes and begins to ~~love~~ like her a little bit more – and is helping him without even seeing how strong she really is.  
Two months after Jim’s return from the dead and them beginning to sleep together she decides to see the counselor of the _Enterprise_. In the back of his mind he is aware that it’s an unspoken requirement of the Admirals for her to get a posting on a starship, especially after the death of her father and her involvement, but it is all her. Her wish, determined and not an ounce embarrassed like Jim would have been. It’s not a sign of weakness, not with her, not when she looks so strong and confident while comm’ing Bones to get an appointment with Dr. Montell, while she sits beside him in the large bed on the cream colored sheets. Naked, with tear tracks still visible on her rosy cheeks and completely open for Jim to see to the bottom of her soul.  
All the hurt, all the pain, all the rage and helplessness, hovering beside her insatiable confidence that it’ll be alright in the end.  
He has no clue how she does it, but it is what keeps him glued to her side.

Through her therapy.  
Through a year of torment from the media and admiralty alike.  
Through his depression Bones has seen coming since Jim woke up in a sterile hospital room too empty inside.

And then, weeks before the _Enterprise_ is about to set out on her first five-year-mission, Carol hands him her request to be stationed aboard his ship with a kiss that says it all. It is nothing like what he is used to. It’s soft, breath-taking and full of what she thinks of him. It’s admiration, endless patience and love. So much of it that it takes him three days to talk to her again, even though he accepted her request right then and there.  
It’s obvious what she feels, so obvious in fact that Bones catches on to it and tells him to get his head out of his ass before someone else steals her away. But he can’t, no matter how much he wants to tell her the words that mean the world to him, even though his mother said it to Jim not even once.  
And she understands. She doesn’t address it, gives him soft kisses instead when he wakes up from a nightmare and reassures him that they are still alive, and from time to time she gives him even more, if he needs it to eliminate the fear from his eyes.

Ultimately she is what keeps him going.  
Bones helps him over his depression before they are evaluated for the upcoming mission. It’s messy, half of the time they are drunk and more than once Jim wants to bail on him and leave everything behind and just _run_ like he always does – but it works. His best friend holds him close through painful sobs and tells him what he needs to hear no matter how hard it is to listen. It works – he doesn’t run. It’s Bones after all.  
Spock begins to… talk. Openly. About things Jim never imagined them talking about. He ignores Jim lashing out when he mentioned the loss of Admiral Pike and instead tells him about his mother. In an odd way it helps. Once more he is reminded of the older Spock’s words, about the friendship he shared with a different Kirk. After a particularly upsetting talk that unravels a knot deep inside of his chest, he sends the ambassador a message. It’s a simple thank you and the confirmation he knows the older Spock secretly seeks.

But Carol… she keeps him breathing. Deeper and easier than before.  
She keeps his heart beating, steady and strong, but makes it speed up whenever she glances over her shoulder at him with no ounce of hero-worshipping admiration he usually gets from people outside his crew. It’s familiar and comforting and exactly what he needs, so he grabs her hand when they meet the rest of the command crew for dinner in a glaring sign for everyone to see. There are news articles all over the Federation the next day, he still is their poster-boy after all and not all of them are pretty, but the look in her eyes she gifts him with when they sit down and he presses a soft kiss onto her blushing cheek (it’s the first time he ever gives one that isn’t wild and needy) is worth all of it.

And then, months later when they are in the middle of a heated mission that threatens to degenerate into a catastrophe every second, he turns to her crouched form to his right behind the overturned crate, studies her ruffled hair and the confident way she aims the phaser in her petite hands, before she tells him they’ll figure something out…  
“I love you.”

It’s out before he can think about it, but never before has he been that sure of something. She is as perplexed as he is, which nearly gets them killed if it weren’t for Scotty beaming them out in the last possible moment, but when she flings her arms around his neck and whispers the same words over and over again, he can’t help but smile as broadly as he did when they gave him the _Enterprise_.  
It’s equally as meaningful for him.

And then they just… live.  
It shouldn’t be as unfamiliar to him as it actually is, Bones shouldn’t have to give him tips on how to not mess up what they carefully build for themselves, the bridge crew shouldn’t be as gossipy about every step they make forward, slow and oh so shakily –  
But he lets them, because it makes him feel being part of a family more than he ever was back in Iowa (or even with his loving uncle and aunt on Tarsus, even though that’s a whole other can of worms he quickly pushes as far away from his consciousness as possible).  
Carol stays in his quarters more often than not and between awesome sex and witty flirting that makes Bones fake-gag, they share well-kept secrets of their past piece by piece. It hurts more than he expected it to and is more freeing even than sitting on his beloved chair on the bridge (even though it’s a close call).  
They grow and love and live, get better and become a team to be reckoned with –

Until Carol disappears for a whole day, doesn’t answer his comms and finally appears in front of him with a tear-stained face seconds before he is about to send out security. She is afraid, shaking and over-all a mess. And pregnant, she admits in a timid voice that doesn’t want to fit to his confident and strong girlfriend.  
Pregnant. When the thought finally settles and he feels he isn’t about to run or collapse, she tells him that she hid because she feared he would send her away to the closest starbase asap. For several moments he actually considers it – space isn’t the right place for a kid to grow up and be born in, he of all people should know. But then he thinks about not being close to her for months, probably years; about having a kid that grows up without a father exactly like he did; about her moving on, because he forced her to; about meeting his kid one day as a complete stranger…  
Well, he grew up in Iowa and what good did it do? Space can’t be that bad, he muses and tells her a second later only to be rewarded with a sobby laugh.

They are not alone.  
Bones, Spock, Uhura, Scotty… the whole command crew would rather die than have something happen to the kid. They will be fine.

For seven months they actually are and her belly grows and she complains, but he couldn’t be more in love with her than he is now.  
Then they are sent away on a seemingly short mission through a mysterious nebula Carol _has_ to see with her own eyes, because most of all she is a scientist, but it all goes to hell somewhere between Bones announcing that the baby should be due any day and an unknown enemy tearing through his ship without mercy.

There are red lights blinding him in his daze, an artifact that seems to be important enough to destroy what is important to Jim, and while he sends her with Bones and the promise that he will come back to her (because it feels too much like what he read in Pike’s dissertation), he loses sight of her and himself along the way.  
The ship is dead, tumbling to the ground in a heap of fire when she reaches the atmosphere.  
And all he can do is watch.

It hurts.  
He can’t breathe, can’t think. They are dead. So many. Again. His fault. No way to communicate, no way to fight back. He is lost. It all is, even Carol and –  
Then Chekov is there and keeps him going, if only so he can be what his lost and too young crew member needs right now. His Captain he can count on, always and no matter how dire the situation; Jim always has a plan up his sleeve with a wicked grin on his lips and it is what Chekov looks for in his face, while his own eyes are clouded by fear and the same pain that rushes through Jim’s veins.  
Damn it, the kid is like a brother to him and what kind of older brother would he be, if he let him crumble under the weight that isn’t his to carry? (one like Sam, he muses silently)

And then, hours later, maybe even days – somewhere in between his worry and the fear of in what state he will find her he lost count – they beam her aboard a too old starship and in the arms of a furious Bones. Spock is injured, but not too badly and he already helps the agitated doctor to carry their moaning crew member to a free cot in what had to be the medbay once, before Jim is able to chase the spots in front of his eyes away and stumbles to her side with tears in his eyes.  
He is so relieved it actually hurts. Bones complains with barely hidden sympathy that he told him he would have an eye on her, no matter the circumstances and then he begins to take care of her and the baby. Because it’s on its way, was so since they touched down on the hostile planet, but as amazing as Carol is she refused to give birth to their child without Jim by her side and on a planet she never wants to see again. Even though she endangered herself in the process. Bones is worried about her and doesn’t even hide it. For another second it feels as if the ground opens up beneath his feet, but then a strong hand grabs his arm – Spock – and keeps him upright.  
He can see it. She is alarmingly pale, her right hand is grabbing his weaker than he would have thought she would with all the birth-related pain and the way her complaints and threats against Jim suddenly break off makes his heart stop.  
But she is still there, eyes firmly fixed on Jim’s blue eyes, while she visibly forces herself to breathe steadily in and out. Bones presses a hypospray into her neck more carefully than he ever has with Jim (probably because he has a soft spot for her like the rest of the bridge crew) and tells her to keep pushing.

He knows he should be excited, he should watch, it’s the birth of his first child –  
but he can’t move his eyes away from hers that silently beg him to keep her afloat.

It’s closer than Bones wants to admit.  
Jim can feel it in the tremble of her hand, can see it in her eyes (still so strong, still no sign of fear) and it’s there for everyone to see, when she blacks out for a second or two. His hand is on her cheek, a brief kiss to her head, words tumbling out of his mouth without reaching his own ears. Maybe it’s a trick of his mind, trapped in the panic that tells him it’s exactly like it was with his father. Just the other way around, a scenario none of them had ever thought about (because it always is about Jim, about him risking his ass to save them all).

The next moments are a blur.  
Something goes wrong, suddenly there is panic all around him, noises he only ever accustoms with the sickbay of the _Enterprise_ , Bones’ voice, raised and heated, arms pulling him back –

“Jim?”

His mind comes around again while he sits on a chair in front of a kneeling Bones, whose voice is too soft to be of any good, who has a comforting hand on his arm, _ohgodplease **NO**_ –  
He smiles. There is a gleam in his eyes Jim hasn’t seen before, not once and in his arms…

The world stops turning.

His son.  
Alive, squealing and looking at him with eyes as blue as his.

Jesus Christ, this is his _child?_ He is a father?  
(and still alive and kicking, take that fate)

“Yes. Take him, come on.”  
There is a laugh in Bones’ voice that makes him ten years younger and then he holds him. It’s as magical as everyone always said it to be, but still so much different than what he expected. Jim would give his life for his crew without hesitation, but for _him_ …  
It isn’t hard to imagine why his father did what he did after all, even though it takes everything to finally admit it to himself. To know his kid safe and sound with its mother –

He lifts his head so fast that it hurts and with tears appearing in his eyes that have nothing to do with the pain, he looks at Bones’ patient form still kneeling on the ground.  
“Carol?”

Bones’ smile doesn’t waver and it calms his stuttering heart even before his best friend reassures, “She’ll be fine.”

“An’ is awake,” a groggy voice interferes from somewhere behind Bones and before the doctor is able to turn his head, Jim is on his feet and by her side. She is still pale and beads of sweat tell him what she just went through, but the look on her face when her eyes land on the small bundle in Jim’s arms is the most beautiful sight. Her laugh is like a chime to him and before he presses a long and hard kiss to her lips (he had nearly lost her), he carefully places their son in her waiting arms. He fits perfectly.

“So, still David?” she asks with a soft tone in her voice that makes his legs tremble, while she watches her son gaze up at her curiously.  
They have decided on a name with no legacy whatsoever. It’s not like their parents are something they want to associate with their child and the pressure of bearing the name of a dead hero is something Jim never wants to do to his kids (Sam has been fighting with that particular legacy half of his life).  
With a mischievous gleam in her deep blue eyes she suggests her favorite one once more – David James Kirk. With a shake of his head he declines. Then…

His eyes meet hers and immediately she knows something is up.  
Instead of pressuring him she stays quiet and watches his face for an expression that reveals what he thinks.  
He is the closest thing that ever came close to a parental figure in his life, he saw more demons in Jim’s eyes than anyone else before Bones, he trusted Jim. Always. Maybe…

“Let’s name him Chris,” he mutters and it’s dead silent around him. He knows the others are still there.  
The gleam in Carol’s eyes intensifies. She knows why, she knows what it means to him and nods even before he says it out loud.

“David Christopher… Kirk.”  
He nearly slips up and says Pike, but for once there is no painful stab in his heart.  
Her laughter fades into congratulations from all sides and while he is in Bones’ tight embrace (both will deny that tears were involved), a shiver runs down his spine. A deep, familiar laughter in the back of his mind. The ghost of a hand on his shoulder. He has seen too much out in space to question it, but for once he isn’t eager to _know_.

And then, with a kiss onto his son’s head, they formulate a plan to rescue the rest of their crew and do what they always do best –  
Save the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time writing something productive in weeks if not months.  
> I wanted to do some One Shots with Carol included in Beyond before, after and during the movie. Kinda covered everything except before. If you have an idea - or a wish for a One Shot regardless of which movie (if one at all), then hit me up.  
> Kinda want to make a whole story about Carol and Kirk in Beyond - if she would have been there. Probably without the pregnancy then, so there can be more action scenes instead of Bones and Spock being low-key worried 24/7. :'D Anyone interested?


End file.
